T H E W H Y O F E V I L O V E R L O R D S
You’ll be standing over your fallen foe, and they will scream in despair as your blade is about to descend “But why?! You had it all, then you threw it away for what?” At this point you will cackle and slay the parasitic whelp. But why not consider his statement after and only after his death? Why would someone ever decide to become an evil overlord?
Q U O T E S :
“That's the problem with heroes, really. Their only purpose in life is to thwart others. They make no plans, develop no strategies. They react instead of act. Without villains, heroes would stagnate. Without heroes, villains would be running the world. Heroes have morals. Villains have work ethic.”
--Some comic book
"A song which, upon first hearing, made me realize that Evil gets all the really good music."
--Mark C. Langston
Power – The same thing that drives everyone at least once in one way or form. But instead of petty squabbles over who gets the good seat at lunch, why not provoke billions of humans to march to a senseless slaughter in your name? Whenever someone says “Power means nothing without friends” you should immediately laugh at their ignorance. Power makes friends. And these are the kind of friends who you can rely on… at least as long as you’re paying them more than your enemy. Usually, power works in tiers. You start off as cannon fodder, then you become a sergeant, then a lieutenant. But as an Evil Overlord you can skip all those boring and dangerous steps and skip right to the top. Sure, it requires a bit more effort, but in the end, everyone will know that you, not Mr. Honest Labor made it to the top. Power can make everything come true. Scientists to make you immortal, historians to fake the chronicles of your regime, and so much more.
Loathing – Some of us start out hating everything that dares to breathe our air. Some of us hate a certain person in particular. Hate, without a doubt, is one of the strongest fuels for a human (or inhuman) soul. Whether you wish to punish all those who have committed the unforgivable crime of being born or merely offer justice to all those people who laughed at you in Elementary School, this is truly a useful excuse for why you do what you do. Rational thought is rarely very useful for people who are fueled by hatred, as they prefer venomous wrath and mindless rage. But make no mistake, hatred should be on the ingredient list of every Evil Overlord somewhere.
Gluttony – Contrary to popular belief, money can buy you everything. No exceptions. This is another delightfully evil motivation, the seductive thought of having endless coffers of wealth is enough to make any child drool. Money is also what makes the wheels of the world turn, and without it, society would be a much “better” place. But cash isn’t everything for a greedy Evil Overlord. Things of every shape and size; big things, small things, short things, tall things. It doesn't even really matter in the end what they are, just so long as you have them, all of them. That and your unending supply of money. But how to get everything that exists? Well, any Evil Overlord can tell you that being an Evil Dictator is a great source of endless goodies. Taxes, confiscation, drug raids… The list of things that Evil Dictators can get away with is endless.
Insanity – Make no mistake, a small voice in the back of your head whispering “kill” can do wonders to propel an Evil Overlord to greatness. Sometimes it’s a whole symphony of voices in your head, other times an inability to tell right from wrong. Whatever your brain malfunction, it is sure to make those heroes shiver in their spandex. As such, it is always a good idea to lose your mind before embarking on your quest for world domination. Madness can direct you in ways normally thought impossible or not thought at all, because they're, well ... insane. Pleading insanity will always shorten your jail sentence, since those average citizens feel so sorry for people who constantly cry and talk about their dead friends. They are so caught up in pity that they forget to check if you’re the one who killed them. If you’re having second thoughts, just remember; sanity is an opinion, not a state. Don’t let society and stereotypes oppress you, you’re special just the way you are.
Revenge – Since you’re more important than people, an eye for an eye doesn’t apply. A bruise for an eternity of torture is more of a balance, considering how valuable you are to the world. Sometimes Evil Overlords are teased just because they have horns, flaming eyes, and the screams of the dead echo around them. Those bullies have no idea how to be evil, and it’s your duty to teach them a lesson. Maybe the reason you want revenge is just because you're really really petty; there’s nothing wrong with that. Whatever the case, revenge is always warranted, as it can lead to all sorts of horrific pain and violence. Never ever let it go, even a little bit, because then the anger might end, and without that you are nothing.
Just Plain Evil – For some Evil Overlords, being sinister is just like sneering. It’s natural, and if you don’t do it, you’ll shrivel up and die. When a child is born with elongated canines and strange cloven hoofprints it is quite normal for them to decide to be evil. Their childhood is usually wrought with pain and suffering, with parents perishing in mysterious fires and close friends accidentally getting pushed to the bottom of wells. As they grow older their evil then blossoms into full force, until they are ready to step into their role as enslaver of all mankind. But remember to be Overlords, not just Evil. Killing mankind is a noble ideal and all, but then what species would spend their entire pitiful existence building a monument the size of the moon?
Parents – Yes, it's true. Sometimes the loving care of an adult is the only bulwark between evil and good. The youth will be angry and confused, and at some point two roads will open up before them. One filled with hopes and failing to achieve their dreams, and the other dangerous and rewarding, full of ridicule and power. And some parents get it in their stupid, graying heads to divert their children from the evil path! Those heartful bastards! How many innocent children were on the brink but were lost? How many more must succumb to a wasted life? This must be stopped, and stopped now!. If someone's mother loves them then they may turn into a well-adjusted human being instead of the nightmarishly destructive soldier of darkness they were meant to be. And we can't have that now, can we? I’ll leave the implications of a solution to you… But remember, neglect from your parents is always a valid excuse as to why you’re evil.